I am a Bad Texter. One aspect of this for me is that occasionally I just read texts too quickly and I don't want to set the dangerous precedent of replying right away. So I read it, compose the perfect reply in my head, tell myself I'll respond 10 minutes later, promptly forget, and respond three days later or never.
I feel like this is THE article for the “bad texter” who has guilt AND the “good texter” who has resentment.
I can feel the sprinkles of awareness zooming through my mind for all the places technology has meant to offer us freedom but WE don’t change and lean into the freedom - we just set the producing levels for that thing higher. GREAT take
As a chronic people pleaser I can only aspire to this level of nonchalance. Do all Bad Texters have their one contact they respond to like a normie? I’m my sister’s, which is maybe my proudest achievement. Anyway, Caroline it would be an honour to be ignored by you, you’re the best x
This is really interesting, I’m a great texter (weird brag, especially on this article) but I’m also very into low maintenance friends. I’ll be the one to check in with friends but don’t expect them to reply straight away, I like that they know I’m thinking of them. I’m not here for high maintenance people. It’s hard enough maintaining myself.
110% all of this!!! Nothing drives me more insane as a non-texter than sitting across from a friend, trying to engage in a meaningful conversation, and having them continually check their phone and respond to other messages. How is this considered better communication??!! And I second another commenter - please just ring me! I refuse to be trapped in sending paragraphs back and forward until my thumb hurts and we’re both figuring out the best time to heart react to a message and leave it at that. Call me and I will listen to you for hours! We should ban texts that are anything more than arranging a time to meet up or an addition to the grocery shop.
Ahhhh bless you for putting this horrid dichotomy into words. I’ve mainly stopped posting on social media, but when I used to post on instagram in fits of social mania, after a post generated enough of what I was presumably looking for — social validation from friends and acquaintances — it started feeling like work. Answering comments, responding to “let’s catch up soon” DMs…. And then you finish answering and feel that emptiness brewing and post again. Rinse and repeat.
And texting kind of feels the same! Same with planning calls or FaceTimes. Just call me! We don’t have to text about it!
Thank you!!! I am that person and I think it’s right! I feel like a normal level of accessibility for 2007 is now perceived as being a hermit, like my silence is now meaningful when it used to just mean I was at home! Help!
This has so many good, strong points. I’m probably a generation above you and it crystallises so many of the anxieties I have about tech-dependent friendships. I prefer when they are just a tool to see people face to face.
Sometimes what’s worse is the “Good Texter” and their quick, perfunctory replies that make you feel more like you’re receiving an RSVP to a council meeting than a birthday party.
I used to be the best texter, so prompt, never left anyone on read, all over it, golden girl. Then LIFE HAPPENED and now I spent all day at work being bombarded by emails, teams messages, calls and workplace chat pings that by the time work is over I have zero energy or headspace to do it all over with my friends, which makes me sad.
I also don’t want to be a slave to my phone, I quite like bumbling around London uncontactable breathing in the smog.
As a (very) Bad Texter, I spend half of my life in apologising with friends for my slow replies and the other half feeling guilty about it - which is totally sick. I even brought this up in a session with my psychologist 🙈 The question could be, why you just don’t reply girl?? I don’t know, I don’t want to focus on yet another thing. I just want my brain to unwind and yes this could also mean posting a insta story (totally different than texting). Some of my friends gets hurt for this but, to my excuse, when I do reply, I write thoughtful and heartfelt replies and I’m also 100% there when I hang.
At the end of the day, my long lasting-forever friends know my Bad Texte nature, accept it, and we love each other immensely - still, I find communication standard exhausting, let’s start talking about it more please!!
“Instead, there’s this feeling that our relationships are like financial stock, constantly spiking and dropping, and that one person will cash out on if they don’t see a proper return.”
This is the closest I have come to understanding you Bad Texters, so thank you for the attempt. But, I have the sneaking suspicion that you are still mad at me. Because my phone does not feel like everyone is trying to get through my front door at once, and I secretly think that if it was, I would kind of enjoy it? This may be naive.
Instead of seeing a text and thinking I now owe someone, I see it as a kind of acknowledgement that we are still engaged in business together. And maybe that’s only because I have the right amount of social demands for my nature. Maybe I would sympathize a lot more if I didn’t!
I am a Bad Texter. One aspect of this for me is that occasionally I just read texts too quickly and I don't want to set the dangerous precedent of replying right away. So I read it, compose the perfect reply in my head, tell myself I'll respond 10 minutes later, promptly forget, and respond three days later or never.
I’m so with you on the dangerous precedent
I feel like this is THE article for the “bad texter” who has guilt AND the “good texter” who has resentment.
I can feel the sprinkles of awareness zooming through my mind for all the places technology has meant to offer us freedom but WE don’t change and lean into the freedom - we just set the producing levels for that thing higher. GREAT take
As a chronic people pleaser I can only aspire to this level of nonchalance. Do all Bad Texters have their one contact they respond to like a normie? I’m my sister’s, which is maybe my proudest achievement. Anyway, Caroline it would be an honour to be ignored by you, you’re the best x
This has taught me empathy for my bad texter friends ✌🏻
I no longer text you out of love and respect ❤️😂 great read. sending love pal xxx
Omg and for that reason I will love and protect you always
I see you, I love you, I am thrilled to have a reply maybe once a quarter xxx
This is really interesting, I’m a great texter (weird brag, especially on this article) but I’m also very into low maintenance friends. I’ll be the one to check in with friends but don’t expect them to reply straight away, I like that they know I’m thinking of them. I’m not here for high maintenance people. It’s hard enough maintaining myself.
Great piece x
A beautiful energy and we bad texters salute and embrace you xxxx
110% all of this!!! Nothing drives me more insane as a non-texter than sitting across from a friend, trying to engage in a meaningful conversation, and having them continually check their phone and respond to other messages. How is this considered better communication??!! And I second another commenter - please just ring me! I refuse to be trapped in sending paragraphs back and forward until my thumb hurts and we’re both figuring out the best time to heart react to a message and leave it at that. Call me and I will listen to you for hours! We should ban texts that are anything more than arranging a time to meet up or an addition to the grocery shop.
Ahhhh bless you for putting this horrid dichotomy into words. I’ve mainly stopped posting on social media, but when I used to post on instagram in fits of social mania, after a post generated enough of what I was presumably looking for — social validation from friends and acquaintances — it started feeling like work. Answering comments, responding to “let’s catch up soon” DMs…. And then you finish answering and feel that emptiness brewing and post again. Rinse and repeat.
And texting kind of feels the same! Same with planning calls or FaceTimes. Just call me! We don’t have to text about it!
Thank you!!! I am that person and I think it’s right! I feel like a normal level of accessibility for 2007 is now perceived as being a hermit, like my silence is now meaningful when it used to just mean I was at home! Help!
This has so many good, strong points. I’m probably a generation above you and it crystallises so many of the anxieties I have about tech-dependent friendships. I prefer when they are just a tool to see people face to face.
Sometimes what’s worse is the “Good Texter” and their quick, perfunctory replies that make you feel more like you’re receiving an RSVP to a council meeting than a birthday party.
I used to be the best texter, so prompt, never left anyone on read, all over it, golden girl. Then LIFE HAPPENED and now I spent all day at work being bombarded by emails, teams messages, calls and workplace chat pings that by the time work is over I have zero energy or headspace to do it all over with my friends, which makes me sad.
I also don’t want to be a slave to my phone, I quite like bumbling around London uncontactable breathing in the smog.
Omg THANK YOU Caroline for writing this! 😍
As a (very) Bad Texter, I spend half of my life in apologising with friends for my slow replies and the other half feeling guilty about it - which is totally sick. I even brought this up in a session with my psychologist 🙈 The question could be, why you just don’t reply girl?? I don’t know, I don’t want to focus on yet another thing. I just want my brain to unwind and yes this could also mean posting a insta story (totally different than texting). Some of my friends gets hurt for this but, to my excuse, when I do reply, I write thoughtful and heartfelt replies and I’m also 100% there when I hang.
At the end of the day, my long lasting-forever friends know my Bad Texte nature, accept it, and we love each other immensely - still, I find communication standard exhausting, let’s start talking about it more please!!
Texting is like Tinder chat: useful only to organize a more intimate encounter.
“Instead, there’s this feeling that our relationships are like financial stock, constantly spiking and dropping, and that one person will cash out on if they don’t see a proper return.”
This is the closest I have come to understanding you Bad Texters, so thank you for the attempt. But, I have the sneaking suspicion that you are still mad at me. Because my phone does not feel like everyone is trying to get through my front door at once, and I secretly think that if it was, I would kind of enjoy it? This may be naive.
Instead of seeing a text and thinking I now owe someone, I see it as a kind of acknowledgement that we are still engaged in business together. And maybe that’s only because I have the right amount of social demands for my nature. Maybe I would sympathize a lot more if I didn’t!