Your Post-Corona Film Guide

We’re all watching far more TV than we would necessarily like to, and I can’t be the only person to have noticed that, well…. well, it’s different now. A month ago, you might have rolled your eyes at the age-old narrative device of having a character cough into a hanky in one scene and then die in the next; now, you will merely blink heavily and sigh, because that is the way of life and death. Ditto any costume drama where a character gets a cold while visiting a friend’s house and proceeds to stay at the friend’s house for two fuckn weeks, which is also long enough to secure a marriage proposal. Extraordinary and strange a few weeks ago; absolutely reasonable now.

Bear in mind that most people in the UK are only on week three of this. How is it going to be after six weeks? After eight? How will our relationship with pop culture change as we grow both more dependent and more resentful of it?

TITANIC (1997)

Star-crossed lovers are trapped upon a floating petri dish of disease.

GONE WITH THE WIND (1940)

An upper-class Southern family host a barbecue of at least fifty people.

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (1989)

Psychological horror where a woman agrees to drive several hours in a car with a man who spits grape seeds at a closed window.

THE MASK (1994)

Man has access to mask.

MOULIN ROUGE (2001)

Charming sociopath suffers from a contagious, deadly disease and does not self-isolate, nor inform her colleagues or lover.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION (1994)

Man irresponsibly decides to break isolation period enforced upon him by a rent-free government body where all meals are provided.

FINDING NEMO (2003)

Boy attempts to socially distance himself from his ageing father, only to be a captured by ignorant friends.

FIGHT CLUB (1999)

Creative entrepreneur finds an innovative way to access soap in this gritty thriller.