The Pied Piper is a victim of the gig economy

Dear Mayor of Hamlin

Hope you’re well. Please find attached my invoice for the recent extermination of 251,025 rats from your town. Those last 25 were tricky, but we got there in the end!

I hope you were satisfied with my work and while I sincerely wish you never have cause to use me again (!), perhaps you can recommend my work to other mayors in similar kinds of distress.

Best,

The Pied Piper

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Hey buddy! Loving your work, we haven’t seen a rat around here in eight days, and I’m finally letting my daughter play outside again!

Thanks for this. Will get it processed right away.

Cheers,
MoH

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Hello again!

Just checking in with this as have not received payment. As my work is mainly seasonal (rats tend to breed most in summer - don’t ask me why!), I do need this paid before we enter the festive season.

Thanks again,

Pied

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Hi hi,

Just checked with Susan in payroll and apparently all sole traders have to fill out this new suppliers form (attached) and a signed scanned copy of the Hamlin NDA (also attached). Sorry, should have given this to you from the start! Just send it back to me whenever.

I’m excited about Christmas too!

Cheers,

MoH

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Hello,

Yes, I do wish you had sent me these documents sooner, as it has now been three months since the job was completed and I still await payment. Please find forms attached. I would appreciate you paying this promptly.

Seasons Greetings,

PP.

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OUT OF OFFICE: OUR OFFICES ARE CLOSED FOR CHRISTMAS AND OPEN AGAIN ON JANUARY 12TH. FOR TOURIST INFORMATION ABOUT HAMLIN PLEASE VISIT WWW.VISITHAMLINNOMORERATS.COM, AND START PLANNING YOUR TRIP TO OUR WHOLESOME, RAT-FREE TOWN!

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Hello and Happy New Year,

As you may have seen from my several attempts to get in contact with you over the Christmas period, I have still not been paid for the work I completed with you in August. As a freelance musical exterminator, my income is wholly dependent on my clients paying me on time (as well as the ever-presence of rats and their adjacent diseases), and I am extremely frustrated at my dealings with your office thus far.

With this in mind, I have amended my original invoice to include a 20% late fee.

Best,

PP

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Dear Pied Piper

I hope you are well and had a pleasant festive period. Having just opened your invoice I was frankly amazed at the amount quoted. Can you please tell me how you arrived at this figure? As for the late fee, I’m afraid that’s just not possible for us at this time. As you may have noticed from our new website, all our extra money is being funnelled towards Hamlin’s latest tourist initiative. Perhaps we can negotiate something a little more reasonable?

Best,

MoH

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Hello,

We agreed before I started the job that I would be paid £50 per thousand rat, which left the original bill at £125,550. With the late fee, the final amount is £150,660. I would also like to remind you that I did not charge for the final 25 rats, quoted in my original email. These were free rats, which, which if left to breed, would have overrun the town again within months.

I am sorry if you are ‘amazed’ at the number we agreed on, but as your town is now prospering as a result of the rat-free climate that I provided, I think you can afford it.

Please pay the amount stated, in full, before I contact small claims court.

Regards,

PP.

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Pied Piper,

After consulting with an independent scientist, it is his opinion that the rats, with no intervention, would have simply migrated south for the winter by themselves, so it looks as though we never needed your services after all. However, in the interest of good will, I would like to offer you a free trip to our town, along with a five night stay in the Hamlin Marriott.

This is the most I am willing to offer you at this time.

Regards,

MoH

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OUT OF OFFICE: I AM AWAY FROM MY DESK AND WILL REPLY ON MY RETURN

If this is about a new rat problem, please contact my assistant Kirsty (kirsty.young@piedpiperratsolutions.com)

If this is the Mayor of Hamlin, please remain allowing your children to play outdoors

Best,

The Pied Piper